there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
