Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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