Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
