is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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