The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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