Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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