the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
