the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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