I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Help. Why am I so naked?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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