eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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