I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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