I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
