Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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