Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
