Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
