She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize