As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
