I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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