for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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