I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
