The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
