Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
