I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
