if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
