He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
