your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
