i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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