we made out on top of his cat.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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