So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I could make wine with my vomit
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Randomize
