Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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