do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
