He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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