Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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