I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
