You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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