i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
