3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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