I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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