Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
