I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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