Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
