I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
