I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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