im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I love you.
Bad choice
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