So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
