i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
