i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
