There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
