We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
