You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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