so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
