I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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