You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
