I hate your face
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
