Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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