life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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