oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
