i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
