my sisters under your porch take her home
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
