You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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