I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
