Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
