i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
